Nobody likes to be put on a pedestal

I think I may finally have a idea about what went wrong. It struck me as I received a text last night from a friend who was talking about a girl he likes. "She is so beautiful and so nice, she deserves someone so much better than me." It irritated me no end. Who decides what anyone deserves? 

And then I realised that it wasn't so uncommon for people to think like that. I had been treated that way too, not in such an obvious manner - but every action, every word spoken had conveyed that thought subtly. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but the fact is - if you treat someone like they're too good for you, at some point, they're going to start believing it. 

I'm ashamed to admit that I might have begun believing it too. It showed in my constant irritation, in the insensitive way that I said things I shouldn't have, in my condescending attitude, in my sense of entitlement, in my refusal to conform to expectations. I knew throughout that I was behaving badly, unforgivably badly, and yet somehow I just couldn't stop it. 

All he had done was to treat me like I deserved something, and I let it get to my head. At one level I knew that I really should appreciate it more, but on the surface, all I felt was irritation. Why was he persisting in letting me have my way all the time? Why would he never fight back? Why did he never say anything?!

Eventually it became too hard to handle. I don't know how, or even if at all, that line of thinking can be reversed. I don't think there's any going back. I would like to express my regret, but I don't know if I should. So I'm just going to say this.

I wish I hadn't let it get to my head.

I'm sorry.